I have recently read some of my college notebooks that were used for note taking in chapel, church, and personal reading.  It has made me very thankful for the education I received and the recourse’s I was exposed too during that time.  One of the sermons that I listened too was on “Spiritual Reconciliation – Application of James 4.7-10″  I didn’t write down the speakers name, but I did keep his handout listing some God-honoring ways to avoid & resolve conflicts.  The following is the key points he made:

Remember – Christ wants our undivided devotion.  The purpose of spiritual reconciliation is God’s glory, not our own selfishness.

I. Some God-honoring ways to Avoid Conflicts:
I Peter 3.7 – seek to know your friend well – appreciate them and their perspective.
Proverbs 18.13, 17 – Don’t answer before you hear – gather plenty of data before speaking.
Proverbs 15.28 – If possible, pray, study & think about the issue before speaking – Respond                         righteously and use soft words of edification not speaking down to them.
Romans 12.9-10 – Demonstrate and/or communicate your love and care at the time of disagreement.
James 1.19 – LISTEN MORE than you speak, but when you do speak – speak the truth in “love”
Ephesians 4.15 – In matters of sin, approach your friend in love
Romans 12.10 – In matters of preference, prefer your friend
Proverbs 11.14; II Timothy 2.15 – In matters of wisdom and conscience, suggest search the                     Scriptures and get godly counsel.
Proverbs 8.6-8 – REFUSE TO SIN IN YOUR COMMUNICATION!
Joshua 22.5; Romans 15.2 – Be more interested in God’s glory and the other’s good, rather than having your own way, or being right.

II. Biblical ways to Resolve Conflicts:
I John 1.9-10 – Confess any sin that you are aware of to God.
Epehesians 4.32; James 5.16 – Go to the offended person, ask forgiveness for each thing you did                specifically and discuss your plan not to do those things again.
Proverbs 15.28 – Express a desire to resolve the conflict fully and decide together when the best time               to do that would be.  And come together at that appointed time.
Proverbs 16.32; James 1.5 – Pray together for God’s wisdom, self-control and speech.
Epehsians 4.15, 26-32; James 1.19 – Reviews God’s rules of communication:
 - speak the truth in love – keep current – attack the problem NOT the person – act don’t react
Ephesians 4.32; James 5.16; I John 1.9 – Each one should take a turn to confess any sin that has not             been confessed – to God or friends – and ASK forgiveness.
Discuess the issues that precipitated the conflict, get details; TAKE TURNS while deciding what you can agree on and what do not agree on; decide what issue(s) you are dealing with and TAKE TURNS offering input on it – is it preference? Sin? Conscience? Wisdom? Etc.  FOLLOWED BY discussing specific steps to resolve the issue(s).  And TOGETHER begin to carry out the appropriate steps. 
END YOUR TIME TOGETHER WITH PRAYER AND AN EXPRESSION OF LOVE! 
Reminder: It is a process and no one can do it without God’s grace (James 4.6)

I was so convicted even writing down the adivce and steps that need to be taken to resolve conflict.  No human in this world ever went without having conflicts – it is impossible with sin.  I really think if we approached conflict in such a God-honoring manner there would be less conflict, and more reconciliation that occurs.  Even as I was typing what he said, my flesh cried out “WoW – that is going to be very hard to actually do!  Pray with someone that is upset with me before we even talk?”  But the more I thought about it the more I realized that allows Christ to be the central focus and the common ground between the two of us.  He has the power to work in both our lives. 

The speaker didn’t comment on humility as much as I thought he would, but really the entire process is putting flesh aside and putting Christ and a fellow follower of Christ first.  Humility and dependence of God is the foundation for resolving any conflict.